It rained hard yesterday, and indentations from the temporary streams and rivulets still mark the sand near the chicken coop and throughout the bare sacrificial areas of the horse pastures.
Cass, this is some of the most beautiful writing I have seen in quite a while. Kudos to you! What I have found over the years is that for many of us, especially if we keep our eyes and minds open, there is an ebb and flow to everything and this allows opportunities here and there to have a clear look around at where we are and where we might want to be. The “being” part is the most important aspect of this. When our dreams speak to us at the same time, it is an opportunity to assess (just as you did) what has happened, what is happening, and what might be. These processes are particularly emotionally loaded at this time due to the chaotic world and uncertainty of the times around us. It is a powerful moment when we have an opportunity to emerge understanding our world and ourselves a bit better as well as where we really fit (internally and externally). I am glad you are embracing this experience.
There is a part of us that has been with us from the beginning, and has never changed. It's the part of us that is watching us make plans and have feelings. It's the part of us that is observing -- quietly, with great stillness -- what we believe is us. I don't know how to put what it is into words, and that's okay. Better maybe.
Identity is a curse. If we allow it. We've been taught to use our work as the defining descriptor. Sometimes that's lovely. Sometimes it's just a piece of us. Just the way we pay the bills.
I think many of your readers would agree that you have the best and most important part figured out. That is WHO you are. And we like it:)
The "what" will come along at some point. Some sort of cash flow or income.
You may need to consider something completely off your radar. Just to get some money.
Then the WHO can play a bigger role.
I hope this makes sense. I've had a few different jobs. But the constant was my who.
Imagine as a random example. A postal delivery or mail sorter. But evenings and weekends is a sculptor. What and who.
That makes sense. My struggle is that finding any kind of "what" is extremely hard for me to do within the tangle of everything else going on in my life right now. I guess if I let go and just see what pops up, an answer or opportunity will come along.
Girl... you can write. This piece is beautiful even if it comes out of tremendous anxiety and pain.
Trying to live a simple life in the confines of the day you've been given is hard work. I've tried to do that in my life mostly out of necessity because some moves I made in my career started out great... but the company changed and not for the better... and I chose to leave - at times to a monetary situation that wasn't near as good as where I was. It was just a place to light until I got my bearings.
And I came to the same conclusion you did. This is it. For right now, this is what I have, and I'll try to be worthwhile and happy within these temporary confines... regardless of how long it lasts. Not my "perfect job" but a job, and that's what I had to have.
You already have empathy - it comes out in your writing all the time, but being as low as you've ever been will show you what real struggle is and when you see it around you, you will feel it like you've never felt anything before. You are not alone in your particular brand of misery, Cass. I know - not much consolation.
It can crush you under its weight. But every day when you wake up, focus on your "chance". If you wake up and you're somewhat healthy, you have a chance to make today better than yesterday. So many people out there who don't have even that. The forces against them are just too big and not able to be conquered by an individual, even one with a strong family behind her.
You have my admiration and respect, Cass. You're doing a pretty good job of being a quality human being.
I feel myself a kind of empath and shaman that has been known to every tribe since the beginning of time, but in these times I have no tribe. The world is my tribe. To the Aborigines and some other tribes the dream time is the real time, the future we are moving toward is foretold in their dreams. You had a powerful dream, Cass, and I experienced it too in your post and separately in my own dreams . The power is that in the chaos that is coming, those who can keep their heart open are shown the way to the new world and help others to find it. Certainty is an illusion that humans like to create, but is never a reality except for brief periods. Goals are fine, but it’s more important to learn to ride the wave of the journey we are on because anyone who has lived awhile with eyes and heart open knows that life can change on a dime. If you keep your heart open and your legs and feet planted firmly on the earth in the horse 🐎 stance, the universe will take not only show you, but take you where you are needed now! ❤️🔥🌊🦉💜
Why is it some people are desperately scrambling to get to the crumbling shore, while others are laying back and looking at the sky as they bob down the river? Your image of the steps just below the surface is how most of us live our lives. There's a scene in Indiana Jones where he has to cross a chasm on an invisible bridge. I've encountered that bridge many times, but following his example, I carried a pocketful of sand to show the steps. Letting go of the things we were taught to aspire to is scary, and liberating. You sound like you're on a path to a more fulfilling life, without having to cling to that crumbling river bank. The truth is, it was always crumbling.
Keep writing, tend to your chickens, and maybe explore the possibilities with horses. They really are the healers.
This post compelled me to become a paid subscriber.
Reading "Actually, this is it," on this rainy New England morning, with Brigitte Engerer playing Frederic Chopin - Nocturnes - in the background. It was a pure kismet moment causing me to pause and look at the album cover. It's titled "hm Gold" with a gold-toned image of a person sitting on a horse, unsaddled horse next to them, both horses standing in a large stream - all of whom are pictured with an old town sitting on a hill high above them over the far bank. Then, looking back at Golden Thread Farm I felt a grateful connection for Cass, Engerer, and Chopin sharing of their hard-earned "it" with us.
Oh, wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me this! It's been rainy all day in Florida, too — something about these gray, dreary days has a way of amplifying those deeper experiences. I'm honored that my thoughts were a part of yours.
really poignant and beautiful to read this morning, Cass
thank you
The river we are often storms and the brain not dead swims to save it to the shore.
Cass, this is some of the most beautiful writing I have seen in quite a while. Kudos to you! What I have found over the years is that for many of us, especially if we keep our eyes and minds open, there is an ebb and flow to everything and this allows opportunities here and there to have a clear look around at where we are and where we might want to be. The “being” part is the most important aspect of this. When our dreams speak to us at the same time, it is an opportunity to assess (just as you did) what has happened, what is happening, and what might be. These processes are particularly emotionally loaded at this time due to the chaotic world and uncertainty of the times around us. It is a powerful moment when we have an opportunity to emerge understanding our world and ourselves a bit better as well as where we really fit (internally and externally). I am glad you are embracing this experience.
Thanks so much, Sylvia.
The dreamers are writing now. Thank you Cass.
🌊🌊🌊… 🐢
Well said and relevant at any age and stage. I just wrote a post on reframing which touches on this as well.
There is a part of us that has been with us from the beginning, and has never changed. It's the part of us that is watching us make plans and have feelings. It's the part of us that is observing -- quietly, with great stillness -- what we believe is us. I don't know how to put what it is into words, and that's okay. Better maybe.
Thanks for the really beautiful writing.
I know exactly what you mean, even though, yes — it's hard to describe what it is.
loved this, cass.
Identity is a curse. If we allow it. We've been taught to use our work as the defining descriptor. Sometimes that's lovely. Sometimes it's just a piece of us. Just the way we pay the bills.
I think many of your readers would agree that you have the best and most important part figured out. That is WHO you are. And we like it:)
The "what" will come along at some point. Some sort of cash flow or income.
You may need to consider something completely off your radar. Just to get some money.
Then the WHO can play a bigger role.
I hope this makes sense. I've had a few different jobs. But the constant was my who.
Imagine as a random example. A postal delivery or mail sorter. But evenings and weekends is a sculptor. What and who.
That makes sense. My struggle is that finding any kind of "what" is extremely hard for me to do within the tangle of everything else going on in my life right now. I guess if I let go and just see what pops up, an answer or opportunity will come along.
Girl... you can write. This piece is beautiful even if it comes out of tremendous anxiety and pain.
Trying to live a simple life in the confines of the day you've been given is hard work. I've tried to do that in my life mostly out of necessity because some moves I made in my career started out great... but the company changed and not for the better... and I chose to leave - at times to a monetary situation that wasn't near as good as where I was. It was just a place to light until I got my bearings.
And I came to the same conclusion you did. This is it. For right now, this is what I have, and I'll try to be worthwhile and happy within these temporary confines... regardless of how long it lasts. Not my "perfect job" but a job, and that's what I had to have.
You already have empathy - it comes out in your writing all the time, but being as low as you've ever been will show you what real struggle is and when you see it around you, you will feel it like you've never felt anything before. You are not alone in your particular brand of misery, Cass. I know - not much consolation.
It can crush you under its weight. But every day when you wake up, focus on your "chance". If you wake up and you're somewhat healthy, you have a chance to make today better than yesterday. So many people out there who don't have even that. The forces against them are just too big and not able to be conquered by an individual, even one with a strong family behind her.
You have my admiration and respect, Cass. You're doing a pretty good job of being a quality human being.
Try to be happy, be healthy and keep smilin'!
Thanks so much, Joseph. The best we can all do is "keep on keeping on". 🙂
I have a saying for you, Cass...
"I don't know where I'm going... but I'm on my way!"
I feel myself a kind of empath and shaman that has been known to every tribe since the beginning of time, but in these times I have no tribe. The world is my tribe. To the Aborigines and some other tribes the dream time is the real time, the future we are moving toward is foretold in their dreams. You had a powerful dream, Cass, and I experienced it too in your post and separately in my own dreams . The power is that in the chaos that is coming, those who can keep their heart open are shown the way to the new world and help others to find it. Certainty is an illusion that humans like to create, but is never a reality except for brief periods. Goals are fine, but it’s more important to learn to ride the wave of the journey we are on because anyone who has lived awhile with eyes and heart open knows that life can change on a dime. If you keep your heart open and your legs and feet planted firmly on the earth in the horse 🐎 stance, the universe will take not only show you, but take you where you are needed now! ❤️🔥🌊🦉💜
Thanks so much for that validation... It's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling these forces at work.
Well written Cass and listening to your dreams helps us understand some of what, who we are! Keep on being genuine to yourself. ☮️🌸☮️
Why is it some people are desperately scrambling to get to the crumbling shore, while others are laying back and looking at the sky as they bob down the river? Your image of the steps just below the surface is how most of us live our lives. There's a scene in Indiana Jones where he has to cross a chasm on an invisible bridge. I've encountered that bridge many times, but following his example, I carried a pocketful of sand to show the steps. Letting go of the things we were taught to aspire to is scary, and liberating. You sound like you're on a path to a more fulfilling life, without having to cling to that crumbling river bank. The truth is, it was always crumbling.
Keep writing, tend to your chickens, and maybe explore the possibilities with horses. They really are the healers.
Horses are fantastic. Although after last year, I think my chapter with trying to "do" anything with them is now closed. Just the feeling I have.
I'm quoting my favorite refrigerator magnet again: Let go or be dragged.
This post compelled me to become a paid subscriber.
Reading "Actually, this is it," on this rainy New England morning, with Brigitte Engerer playing Frederic Chopin - Nocturnes - in the background. It was a pure kismet moment causing me to pause and look at the album cover. It's titled "hm Gold" with a gold-toned image of a person sitting on a horse, unsaddled horse next to them, both horses standing in a large stream - all of whom are pictured with an old town sitting on a hill high above them over the far bank. Then, looking back at Golden Thread Farm I felt a grateful connection for Cass, Engerer, and Chopin sharing of their hard-earned "it" with us.
Oh, wow. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me this! It's been rainy all day in Florida, too — something about these gray, dreary days has a way of amplifying those deeper experiences. I'm honored that my thoughts were a part of yours.
Very good job of processing.
Keep up the good work.
We first got chickens on the recommendation from a Chaplain of their theroputic abilities.😘